Ayer conocí a una chica que lee mi blog.
Y mientras hablábamos, mientras me miraba y la miraba y en especial todo el día de hoy, me he sentido un poco raro.
Y no voy a intentar aprender a decirlo en inglés porque creo que con cue'a podré en español.
¿Hasta qué punto somos capaces de versarnos y tergiversarnos?
No se trata sólo de los discursos y las poses, ni de que en realidad en Internet no somos sino aquello que querríamos ser.
Se trata de los besos. De decir hola y plantar un beso en la mejilla de la otra persona en lugar del dedo en la tecla enter.
Se trata de salir a caminar (ahora con el calor es más fácil), de dejar de mirar a una pantalla de computador inventándote situaciones y sintiendo placer. De dejarse de huevear y perder el tiempo así. Hue'ón! los años se están pasando y tú sigues ahí sentado.
Sin besar.
De entender que probablemente el hombre o la mujer de tu vida, la persona a quien quieres admirar y por quien quieres darlo todo, no tendrá precisamente un fotolog.
Puede que sí eh! pero en mi caso creo que no. Al menos no quiero buscarla así.
Me pasó que una vez ella me encontró y yo creí encontrarla a ella. Creí que todo era tan casual y espontáneo como me hizo y quise creer. Me fui a vivir a Barcelona y la hue'á terminó haciéndome pico. De hecho creo que nunca encontró mi blog como me dijo que lo había hecho. De hecho, cuando me metí en su correo habían miles de tipos como yo a los que incluso les había enviado un mismo primer emepetres.
Filo. No voy a desahogarme ahora. No tiene sentido. Ya no nos escribimos ni nos hablamos más. He vuelto a Chile y estoy tan atento a la media hora diaria de nostalgia como al asombro que me producen el cariño e interés de algunas personas por mí.
Los días son mucho más lindos así.
Metiéndome en ensayos, yendo a tocatas, levantando mucho la mano en clases y caminando algo melancólico (igual esto es pose) mientras escucho música.
Fue así como desinstalé MSN y ahora decido apagar este blog.
Y es que pa' más remate tengo lata de hablar de mí. De presentarme. De decir qué estudié y qué he hecho.
Y es que tampoco me interesa tanto lo que he vivido como lo que tengo ganas de vivir.
Un poco más lejos de un teclado y más cerca de un helado.
Fue un gusto conocerte Natalia.
1.9.07
Shanghai?
I've already sent my Curriculum Vitae.
I really don't believe it could works but I lose nothing trying it.
29.8.07
steps and scents / simple and hard / I want and I don't
There's something I have decided.
Something consisting on many steps, and the first one has been uninstalling MSN last week. In my opinion, almost nobody is capable to do something as simple as this (and so hard at the same time). I feel it's just ok for me. Although I usually miss to sign in it, after achieving not to reinstall it again I realize I did something different (and useful) instead.
Second step is to know this girl. I don't want to know nobody else by internet! Do you hear me? I feel a kind of panic about that (you definitely guessed why). And I don't want to start writing with no one I don't know! Once was much more than enough.
Scents are essential for me. And Japanese haven't invented a scent reproducer software yet.
So, I exactly don't know which are the next steps going to be. I just feel I took these two and while this happens I realize that in fact, I start walking.
To that coffee on saturday's evening.
Something consisting on many steps, and the first one has been uninstalling MSN last week. In my opinion, almost nobody is capable to do something as simple as this (and so hard at the same time). I feel it's just ok for me. Although I usually miss to sign in it, after achieving not to reinstall it again I realize I did something different (and useful) instead.
Second step is to know this girl. I don't want to know nobody else by internet! Do you hear me? I feel a kind of panic about that (you definitely guessed why). And I don't want to start writing with no one I don't know! Once was much more than enough.
Scents are essential for me. And Japanese haven't invented a scent reproducer software yet.
So, I exactly don't know which are the next steps going to be. I just feel I took these two and while this happens I realize that in fact, I start walking.
To that coffee on saturday's evening.
28.8.07
eras mi persona favorita
This photo is almost as beautiful as the song and the video. You will be mad about them! The song of the year. I bet it will.
Thursday 30th. Teleradio Donoso. Living Alameda.
Primer festival nacional del videoclip. 23 hrs. 2000.
See you there.
24.8.07
el cola'o culiao del Pedro attacks again
Yes I do.
This saturday Teleradio Donoso plays in Temuco.
And I'll go with them.
What a fucking lucky man I am!
22.8.07
heart lifting
Few minutes ago in the lift.
Cardióloga said in her apron.
- Tired?
- Yes. It has been a hard day today.
- Oh. I see.
2nd Floor.
3rd Floor.
- Do you know where the word "Recordar" comes from?
- Mmmm... no, I don't.
- "Recordar" means passing by heart again. Cardis is heart in latin. I tell you because I could see in your apron you are cardiologist.
- Oh. It's beautiful. Didn't know it. Everyday we learn something new.
- Yeah, right.
5th floor.
- Good bye.
- Good night.
Cardióloga said in her apron.
- Tired?
- Yes. It has been a hard day today.
- Oh. I see.
2nd Floor.
3rd Floor.
- Do you know where the word "Recordar" comes from?
- Mmmm... no, I don't.
- "Recordar" means passing by heart again. Cardis is heart in latin. I tell you because I could see in your apron you are cardiologist.
- Oh. It's beautiful. Didn't know it. Everyday we learn something new.
- Yeah, right.
5th floor.
- Good bye.
- Good night.
Elliot Smith - Thirteen
The first stab to the heart didn´t kill him.
Elliot Smith stabbed himself for a second time.
And then he dies.
Leaving us other eleven.
This is a cover. Original belongs to Big Star.
Elliot Smith stabbed himself for a second time.
And then he dies.
Leaving us other eleven.
This is a cover. Original belongs to Big Star.
I think that one of the nicest things somebody can tell you is
When I hear that song, I think about you.
21.8.07
eras mi persona favorita
Me with a camera in the hand.
While recording her.
- What's your name?
- I'm Letu, my name is Maida Leturia.
- Leturia? -I insisted.
- Yes, why?
- I knew a girl... do you live in Larraín 83xx?
She was astonished.
Actually, me too.
- How do you know that? -she said.
- Are you, or you're not?
- Yes I am... but who are you?
- Me? I'm Pedro, your former neighbor's grandson. Hello Magdalena.
We just couldn´t believe it.
After fifteen years, I met my platonic love once again.
This weekend Teleradio Donoso did their second single´s video.
Y el colado culia´o del Pedro was there. I was supposed to be in charge of the making of, so I walked around saturday and sunday making questions, recording the ¨hidden scenes¨, but mainly laughing.
In a couple of weeks, on TV, you will deeply understand the coincidence between the video's idea and "our" little never kissed love's story.
In my case, it was only that. A kind of "what a coincidence!" but nothing else.
And it was cute.
I loved it all. Being there. Fully enjoying this "historical" moment.
Historical because of my story.
Historical because this single's video will definitely consolidates Teleradio Donoso's into the chilean musical scene.
Can't wait for it!
14.8.07
wormholes
Last night I couldn't sleep well. The same stomachache attacking once again and I ran out of Omeprazol.
Besides my broken heart (that influences too), I'm a fucking bipolar guy.
- Like my father! -told me a friend this morning when I told her about it.
- No, not really. This is something that all happens in just one day. For a couple of hours I feel like if nothing were impossible, a kind of "king of the world", and after, I fall into a deep silent sadness.
- My father takes pills to "normalize" himself. Maybe you should go to a shrink.
- No, no, no. After all, I like it. This is how life it's supposed to be. I don't want to be normal all the time. I like my mood swings.
I have an idea.
A big one.
But I don't want to say nothing about it, yet. It's something I thought about, while being in Barcelona.
And yesterday, while driving, I've found the name for the project.
I hope I do it.
Besides my broken heart (that influences too), I'm a fucking bipolar guy.
- Like my father! -told me a friend this morning when I told her about it.
- No, not really. This is something that all happens in just one day. For a couple of hours I feel like if nothing were impossible, a kind of "king of the world", and after, I fall into a deep silent sadness.
- My father takes pills to "normalize" himself. Maybe you should go to a shrink.
- No, no, no. After all, I like it. This is how life it's supposed to be. I don't want to be normal all the time. I like my mood swings.
I have an idea.
A big one.
But I don't want to say nothing about it, yet. It's something I thought about, while being in Barcelona.
And yesterday, while driving, I've found the name for the project.
I hope I do it.
13.8.07
12.8.07
11.8.07
pleasant
7 am.
After a long and cold night talking about determinism while playing with dices, I left him in his house.
- I've read your stories in Egipto, and Pedro, the way you write is... (Javier was a little drunk)... pleasant.
- Thank you.
- No, really.
I drive home thinking the same once again.
After a long and cold night talking about determinism while playing with dices, I left him in his house.
- I've read your stories in Egipto, and Pedro, the way you write is... (Javier was a little drunk)... pleasant.
- Thank you.
- No, really.
I drive home thinking the same once again.
9.8.07
y aunque todo salió mal, voy a llorar de felicidad
- But Gonzalo, please just look at this white wonderful landscape. It's... it's... wooww!
- Yes it's true.
- But hue'ón!
After leaving Gonzalo Mena in his house at 2am, I didn't want to directly drive home. Every time I should have taken right, I took left.
Santiago on white is another city.
I was so excited with snow, that in a moment I thought "what a scandinavian would say if he were looking at me?".
Snow is so common in other places, but in Santiago's streets (where is not) seems so magic! It changes the way you see the whole city. And for a few minutes can change the way you see life.
I'm not kidding. If nature can show you this kind of radical changes so rapidily, why can't you change your points of view about your own life and the changes you need.
- This concert is dedicated to Al Gore. You were right about global warming Al! -said Simon, Fother Muckers' bass.
No matter how cold it was. No matter frozen hands and frozen nose. Last night was my first Fother Muckers' concert after almost nine months and I wanted, I needed to go.
We were only 33, the brave heroes against the "Gory" snow.
And the concert was terrific... for me.
So many days washing the dishes, cleaning all it up in a 30-meter-squares apartment in Barcelona. Feeling how another day have gone at 6pm and me, so fucking worried about a job and so fucking lonely waiting for 10pm, time on which Mireia went out of work and I went looking for her everyday. The happiest moment in the day. Seeing her.
Everyone of those days I listened to Fother Muckers.
Hard days.
That's why I started to cry yesterday while listening to them live.
I went to the hall's bottom and standing up I sang while tears fell.
Remembering, and feeling exactly what I have felt before.
But last night in the bottom of that hall, I wasn't sad.
I was.
I was just crying for the first time since I came back.
- Yes it's true.
- But hue'ón!
After leaving Gonzalo Mena in his house at 2am, I didn't want to directly drive home. Every time I should have taken right, I took left.
Santiago on white is another city.
I was so excited with snow, that in a moment I thought "what a scandinavian would say if he were looking at me?".
Snow is so common in other places, but in Santiago's streets (where is not) seems so magic! It changes the way you see the whole city. And for a few minutes can change the way you see life.
I'm not kidding. If nature can show you this kind of radical changes so rapidily, why can't you change your points of view about your own life and the changes you need.
- This concert is dedicated to Al Gore. You were right about global warming Al! -said Simon, Fother Muckers' bass.
No matter how cold it was. No matter frozen hands and frozen nose. Last night was my first Fother Muckers' concert after almost nine months and I wanted, I needed to go.
We were only 33, the brave heroes against the "Gory" snow.
And the concert was terrific... for me.
So many days washing the dishes, cleaning all it up in a 30-meter-squares apartment in Barcelona. Feeling how another day have gone at 6pm and me, so fucking worried about a job and so fucking lonely waiting for 10pm, time on which Mireia went out of work and I went looking for her everyday. The happiest moment in the day. Seeing her.
Everyone of those days I listened to Fother Muckers.
Hard days.
That's why I started to cry yesterday while listening to them live.
I went to the hall's bottom and standing up I sang while tears fell.
Remembering, and feeling exactly what I have felt before.
But last night in the bottom of that hall, I wasn't sad.
I was.
I was just crying for the first time since I came back.
Origami to Lucy
- What's your name, sorry?
- Lucy.
- Luz, nice to meet you.
- Lucy.
- Oh Lucy, sorry.
With no diamonds in the sky, Lucy is the woman who last three days after cleaning the classroom invites me to go out of it. I've been staying in classrooms with my brother's notebook after teachers leave, and then she arrives.
- Look, students have left me two copihues.
I didn´t understand until I see in her right hand two paper flowers. A kind of origami.
In the seat next to her, there were some orange peels.
- Not only orange peels they leave to you Lucy.
- That's true. In computer's classrooms where I clean too, they even leave me crocodiles. Can you believe it?
- Of course I do. See you.
- Good bye.
- Lucy.
- Luz, nice to meet you.
- Lucy.
- Oh Lucy, sorry.
With no diamonds in the sky, Lucy is the woman who last three days after cleaning the classroom invites me to go out of it. I've been staying in classrooms with my brother's notebook after teachers leave, and then she arrives.
- Look, students have left me two copihues.
I didn´t understand until I see in her right hand two paper flowers. A kind of origami.
In the seat next to her, there were some orange peels.
- Not only orange peels they leave to you Lucy.
- That's true. In computer's classrooms where I clean too, they even leave me crocodiles. Can you believe it?
- Of course I do. See you.
- Good bye.
8.8.07
7.8.07
Let's (re)start!
As you know, I've already come back from Barcelona after the ending love story.
After the bravest and the most important decision in my life.
After leaving it all.
And now, that I'm in Chile once again, and my family is here, and my friends are here, I just have to restart.
Two weeks ago, while driving (after seven month!) and listening to music, I have realized that I'm proud of my feelings and the love I felt.
Proud of having dare.
It's clear I still feel sad sometimes (and I will) but I tried it, with all my heart and without doubting, I tried it. That's the only thing that calm me down and let me restart.
So.
Let's restart.
At the university I have taken ten subjects this semester. I know it's a madness and I don't know if my neurons and their usual luck will achieve it, but it's the only way to finish fast this whole shit and next year do my thesis. So I hope to have finished my third career on July 2008.
For summer I have some plans, but nothing confirmed yet. Although I'm quite glad in Chile, I'll try to travel abroad again. This time for working.
But before that, fourteen academically horrible weeks are waiting for me.
How am I going to survive?!
Going to every Fother Mucker and Teleradio Donoso's concert I could.
Laughing with Tadashi, Daniel & Tomás.
Listening to music (if I just could explain how music influences me!).
Breathing deeply.
Still believing in love.
And writing this blog.
After the bravest and the most important decision in my life.
After leaving it all.
And now, that I'm in Chile once again, and my family is here, and my friends are here, I just have to restart.
Two weeks ago, while driving (after seven month!) and listening to music, I have realized that I'm proud of my feelings and the love I felt.
Proud of having dare.
It's clear I still feel sad sometimes (and I will) but I tried it, with all my heart and without doubting, I tried it. That's the only thing that calm me down and let me restart.
So.
Let's restart.
At the university I have taken ten subjects this semester. I know it's a madness and I don't know if my neurons and their usual luck will achieve it, but it's the only way to finish fast this whole shit and next year do my thesis. So I hope to have finished my third career on July 2008.
For summer I have some plans, but nothing confirmed yet. Although I'm quite glad in Chile, I'll try to travel abroad again. This time for working.
But before that, fourteen academically horrible weeks are waiting for me.
How am I going to survive?!
Going to every Fother Mucker and Teleradio Donoso's concert I could.
Laughing with Tadashi, Daniel & Tomás.
Listening to music (if I just could explain how music influences me!).
Breathing deeply.
Still believing in love.
And writing this blog.
I insist
I insist, for me it's pretty cool if you correct all my mistakes. So, do not hesitate giving me suggestions, because we will all learn.
Me writing, you reading.
Actually, for some words maybe you don't know, just put the mouse on and you'll got the translation to spanish.
Me writing, you reading.
Actually, for some words maybe you don't know, just put the mouse on and you'll got the translation to spanish.
5.8.07
I don't
I don´t speak english that much and I want to improve.
So that's why I have made this blog.
A blog seen as a way of learning, even if sometimes I'm just away of learning (breathing and listening to some beautiful song).
Do me a favor.
Try to correct all mistakes you see!
I will appreciate it.
So that's why I have made this blog.
A blog seen as a way of learning, even if sometimes I'm just away of learning (breathing and listening to some beautiful song).
Do me a favor.
Try to correct all mistakes you see!
I will appreciate it.
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